I’m the hero of this story

For a while now, I’ve been trying to piece together how to summarize just quite my summer has been like and instead of trying to be professional and come off as this wonderful writer with immaculate grammar and capture my audience with a captivating piece–I’m going to be concise, honest and a little bit cynical.
If this does not sound appealing to you I recommend you read my future or previous posts.

Near the beginning of the summer, I got dumped.
The boy I dated for eighteen months, whom promised me a future too good to be true..changed and with that my heart shattered.
I don’t hold any grudges against him–at least not anymore– he’s happy and I’m content with that thought, he has a bright future ahead of him, just not one that involves me.
It was extremely difficult in the beginning, because he was someone who picked me up when I was was buried deep below the ground’s surface. I’m grateful for that, and if he ever gets around to reading this, Thank you so much.

Oh and by the way, Cody stills asks about you; the last thing I told him was you got eaten by coyotes and he stuck his tongue out at me and laughed.

The negative outcome that came from this is that I’ve made a promise to myself to never involve myself so seriously with somebody due to the true fact that I’m so sick of feeling heartbroken, I don’t want to mourn or be upset any longer so I won’t give anyone the pleasure of crumbling my heart to pieces, not now and most likely not 5 years from now.
call me a pessimist, but the walls have come up–at least in a romantic aspect.

The positive outcome from this was that I learned I love nature, I enjoy kickboxing and running, I love taking extremely long walks at night, walking on train tracks make me smile and taking pictures of the sky being reflected on a lake brings me joy. I’ve read ten books all summer and will continue to read in my spare time. Music has become a necessity to keep sane, and singing makes me inexplicably happy–even if I’m not any good.
I lay outside on the grass and watch the stars often.
My eyes truly are beautiful–yes, so modest.
My weigh has magically shifted to 120lbs and I’m stronger and toned a lot of my fat, exercising truly feels good.
I also learned that I like to design rooms, more than I ever thought before.
I figured out who my true friends are, who to keep closest to me and to never keep anyone around me who will bring me down, I am blunt now and don’t look for anyone’s approval. I love my friends so much, they’ve kept me happy and sane and these people I’ve become really close with this summer have saved me from being a complete disaster.

My bed is probably my best friend right now

Cody has advanced so much this summer in such little yet outstanding ways I wish I could shout the utter pride and ecstasy I feel when he achieves something new and repeats it. He says “Mama” since the beginning of June and is now babbling “Ba’s and Pa’s”, he makes the kissing sound when he blows kisses, he gives you a thumbs up, he waves in his own way.
He even commented on how a male in a YouTube video was wearing eyeliner and how I was wearing eyeliner as well.
He points and “counts” the three bears on a painting in the “Goodnight Moon” book.

I also changed my major (yet again) and discovered that I love to code, I love web development so far. and I’m taking four classes this semester that deal with it, which also means the(only) 39 credits I received in my almost 3 years of community college are worthless. (what a major bummer..)

I know have ambitions, and goals. I plan to move out by age 25 ( old, I know..) and be completely independent from my parents. This means that I will have a job, a car, a house, and be responsible solely for Cody and myself without the help of my parents.
Being dependent at 21 is a major downer.

As the summer comes to a close, and Cody and I will begin school again, I have new goals and I plan on following through. I’m motivated and regaining some confidence as well as healing some of my bruised ego.
I’m scared for the future, terrified really, but I’m also enthusiastic because only I can shape my future and Cody’s.

 

Oh one more thing, my favorite color is Periwinkle. Not Turquoise

Goodnight Stars, Goodnight Air, Goodnight Noises Everywhere – “Goodnight Moon’ by Margaret Wise Brown

My super short blog!–post!

Maybe someone will get the reference to my blogpost if you haven’t gotten it by the end; I will tell you!

I’ve been really slacking on blogging lately, I apologize. It’s been hectic! but a quick summary is I went to the Bahamas last weekend!
I can now scratch this off my bucket list it was a very fun and relaxing time! Mostly the latter but it was very much needed seeing as I haven’t left the country in over 5 years! I do recommend it for families and to go in groups with friends otherwise it can get a little repetitive, but I’m not complaining. Only downside is I did get this extremely weird sun burn so my arm now looks deformed. Otherwise, wonderful time.
Still nothing more beautiful than that crystal clear ocean water. I even drank juice out of a coconut!

Moving on!

I got a decent GPA this semester leading me to pull up my cumulative GPA and leaving me 21 more credits until I can receive my A.A.
(Hooray!)
I also have a job interview today
(Another hooray!)

Now comes Cody, who’s been a little trouble maker since my mom left on her yearly trip with her high school gals.
(Then again, a lot of people have traveled this weekend! Must be Memorial Day)
I must say I am not satisfied with the Botox injections this round because Cody’s legs continue to cross and he feels either too floppy some days or too tight, I’ll have to discuss this at his post Botox appointment coming up.
Otherwise he seems happy as usual! But has been going to sleep at 11pm every night with him–in which my back is not happy with me about– but if it gets him to sleep it will have to do for the meantime. Did I mention I have to sing all the Disney songs I could possibly know by heart to get him to sleep? It’s quite the challenge but he loves it! Mommyitis is at an all time high at this time.

I’ve also had to continue dealing with this little problem, hair pulling.
He doesn’t like something– my hair gets pulled.
he doesn’t want to nap–again, pulls my hair.

I’ve looked up countlessly how to resolve this and have tried leaving the room, putting him down and he continues to do it. But he doesn’t with anyone else anymore..Dr Google only finds the extremes such as self hair pulling and for kids who are typical!

My goal for this next month is to get him to stop, I think 3.5 years old is a good age for this to stop completely.

BTW, my blog title reference is from the early 00s show “Mike’s Super Short Show” from Disney Channel.

Have a great Sunday!

The troubles of travels

Let me just start off that I’m obsessed with the weather. For some reason, it always is one of the determinants for a good day or not (at least a pre-determinant)
For my birthday, in April, I had 50 degree weather and the weather channel application even said morning flurries.
All the people I’m close with can probably describe to you how livid I was when I saw that.
I like my weather to be nice on my birthday thank you.
But what I am really getting to is that I will be taking a much needed vacation , all thanks to my older sister of course, to Nassau this weekend.
So I go the whole week looking up the weather, and I’m starting to regret it more and more each time because the weather only continues to get worse.
Rain, rain, thunderstorms, rain, rain, windy, rain.
If I have to read rain one more time… I don’t know what I’ll do. But one thing is for sure…

I will not let the stupid rain ruin this for me

I have not traveled in over 5 years while every one of my friends goes abroad or on vacation, and being a mother is extremely hard having that opportunity so nothing will stop me from having a decently good time, despite the rain trying to bum me out.

But first I’d love to just get through exams, good luck with finals for those who are taking them!

Happy mums Day

Here it is, the almost end to my fourth Mother’s Day. only to say I’m 21 but that I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Today my parenting skills were challenged publicly by none other than the king himself.
At the age of 3 years old he’s a good 3 feet 4 inches and a heavy 35 pounds, carrying him is only becoming a more difficult task–my lack of exercising is also aiding to this becoming more difficult.

The only reason I mention this is because we were out today and he would not get in his car today.
(The ones you push them around in)
No amount of bribery, reinforcement, punishment or threat would make little prince ride in his car. So I did the only other thing I could do and I sat there with him.

Refusing to carry him around everywhere because I realize it’s gone far enough. He has too much control over his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and the lists goes on…

Having to discipline a child is difficult but disciplining a child with special needs is even more so, nobody ever blogs about how you should discipline your “different” child because of the scarce amount of parents with them.

In the end, my oh so charismatic-with-children sister just said “let’s go find Nona!” Picked him up and sat him in the car and rolled away with no problems.

What.

she’s gonna make an amazing mother one day, because I tried that and it didn’t work, I even attempted to bribe him with froyo and that didn’t succeed either!

Alas, today was a great day regardless. I managed to maintain a higher than normal level of patience but c’est la vie. Children will be children and they will drive you bananas with nuts sprinkled on top.

Still so very worth it.

Especially the cuddles I’m getting in now that he has fallen asleep.
No better music than a (lightly) snoring toddler

Happy Mother’s Day every-mum!

If I die before I wake, I pray to God my soul to take

This is going to be the most spiritual post I’ve ever written so far and I promise to be brutally and sincerely honest throughout this whole post, just bare with me for I’m coming down from complete shock.

Today for Easter, my immediate family celebrated with my aunt, uncle and cousins at their house. They live a conveniently placed five minutes away from us. This is helpful in more than just one aspect, plus it also brings us together more.

Anyway, Cody was at his dad’s this weekend and when he came to drop him off, he was brought to my aunt’s house since we were already there.
Inconveniently enough, we forgot the car seat and we could not just take Cody home without the car seat as it is both unsafe and illegal; we did not want to risk the 5 minute drive. Thus, my aunt let us use her SUV that has a car seat in it already to take Cody home, while I drove our family SUV back home. (A Honda CR-V)

Once we dropped Cody and my mom off at home, my dad and I took each car to return it, then drive back in our own vehicle.

Being a usually careful driver, I was extra vigilant tonight for some unexpected reason resulting in my driving being much slower than the usual. At the traffic light we have to cross to get to my aunts, my side was on red while the main road was green.
Right then the main road light turned amber, and obviously soon after red.

My side turned green, but something inexplicable quickly told me not to go just yet, that someone would be running the red light, so I inched forward about two inches.. When suddenly a big beige Nissan Pathfinder accelerating at approximately 60-65 miles an hour ran the red light. If I had gone, I would be badly injured by then.

I was in shock. My mouth agape and eyes as wide as they go. That SUV would have hit me head on the driver’s seat. Something just saved my life, but not just anything.

God

For the past 4 years I will admit to being agnostic, completely unsure if God was truly there or not. Cody’s disabilities made me doubt him more and become angry with him.. Why would he give an innocent and pure person these hardships?
I stopped praying..
Church was just another forced activity every week..
My mom’s constant begging to listen to Catholic radio/ Television only became an annoying nagging in the back of my mind.
I completely thought God wasn’t there or that perhaps he had abandoned me, but I continued to play the part of a “good Catholic”, revealing my true agnostic only to myself.

That is.. Until this happened.

The powerful yet simple intensity of this small message told me that this was no mere coincidence, no secret psychic ability or “just lucky”.
This was God, telling me, that he’s truly there watching over me and I feel completely ashamed for having to wait for a sign of sorts to really believe.
Although it might sound silly to some, especially to those who don’t believe.. I truly think this has changed my mind and heart..

And what better day to do this then on Easter Day?

As the recent movie states:
God is Not dead”

Twenty-One

twenty-one candles: Two martinis and one delicious ice cream cake.

that once in a lifetime on top of the world feeling: but not quite. At least not yet.

This has probably been one of the more surrealistic birthdays I’ve had in my two decades and one year of breathing. Now, it’s not because I sat down at a bar and ordered two martinis– and received them. I believe that the reason this birthday has felt so far-fetched is because deep down somewhere in my psyche, I still feel like I’m only seventeen. Oh, I know how that sounds.. and it’s much easier said than explained when I say it. 

Maybe it’s because I had Cody at seventeen

This is where Sigmund Freud comes in a little bit, and please correct me if I’m wrong, I took PY102 my first semester of college. But Freud believed that if an individual did not “live out” a certain phase of their life correctly or to the fullest they would forever stay in that “stage” as I’ll call it. 
I know the stages were all broken down in clusters of ages instead of at one certain age. Perhaps, I just misunderstood and took it a lot more literally than it was intended for it to be. Except that’s not the only thing I can blame it on. As I have previously blogged about, I am very dependent of my parents; I buy nothing with my own money and it truly bothers me to no end.
I will not make this blog post negative.

I refuse. I had an amazing birthday yesterday and I’m grateful to my family more than anyone for the enormous amount of help they put into watching Cody for me for a few hours. It was all just so I could get my first bar experience and a little time outside of the house on my birthday. 

Thanks Familia, It truly means everything to me on how much you help me. Even If I may seem like I’m taking it for granted

For a turn of events, I did not go and get completely intoxicated as a handful of people suggested I do. Quite honestly I don’t believe being completely incoherent makes for a good time. Although, a good buzz is good just to let your true self out once in a while. I know my cousins and sister must have gotten a kick out of that. 
we sang happy birthday soon after arriving at home, Cody absolutely loves it and always thinks it’s for him, I’m sure he thinks he’s had 5 birthdays in the past two  months. haha.

My birthday cake was the usual “A Cheesecake named Desire” a punny play on words from the original 1947 American play A Streetcar named Desire. It’s from ColdStone, an ice cream place that I can say is one of my favorites.
It contains Cheesecake flavored ice cream, yellow cake (no, it’s not the same as vanilla cake), raspberry jelly in the middle and raspberries on top with raspberry everything. 

Can you tell why I must get this cake every year?

So overall I will give this surrealistic and yet very much real birthday a 4.5 out of 5 stars
The only little thing I did wish is that I’d had a little more time with the significant other, but alas sometimes there are things that are far out of my control and we must learn to accept and be grateful for what we get…But I won’t complain, these two gifts he gave me where my favorites so far

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Also, Thank you to the 90 something people who took the time to wish me a Happy Birthday on facebook. I appreciate the sentiment.

Cheers to being legal ! 

Facing challenges and not looking back

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