For a while now, I’ve been trying to piece together how to summarize just quite my summer has been like and instead of trying to be professional and come off as this wonderful writer with immaculate grammar and capture my audience with a captivating piece–I’m going to be concise, honest and a little bit cynical.
If this does not sound appealing to you I recommend you read my future or previous posts.
Near the beginning of the summer, I got dumped.
The boy I dated for eighteen months, whom promised me a future too good to be true..changed and with that my heart shattered.
I don’t hold any grudges against him–at least not anymore– he’s happy and I’m content with that thought, he has a bright future ahead of him, just not one that involves me.
It was extremely difficult in the beginning, because he was someone who picked me up when I was was buried deep below the ground’s surface. I’m grateful for that, and if he ever gets around to reading this, Thank you so much.
Oh and by the way, Cody stills asks about you; the last thing I told him was you got eaten by coyotes and he stuck his tongue out at me and laughed.
The negative outcome that came from this is that I’ve made a promise to myself to never involve myself so seriously with somebody due to the true fact that I’m so sick of feeling heartbroken, I don’t want to mourn or be upset any longer so I won’t give anyone the pleasure of crumbling my heart to pieces, not now and most likely not 5 years from now.
call me a pessimist, but the walls have come up–at least in a romantic aspect.
The positive outcome from this was that I learned I love nature, I enjoy kickboxing and running, I love taking extremely long walks at night, walking on train tracks make me smile and taking pictures of the sky being reflected on a lake brings me joy. I’ve read ten books all summer and will continue to read in my spare time. Music has become a necessity to keep sane, and singing makes me inexplicably happy–even if I’m not any good.
I lay outside on the grass and watch the stars often.
My eyes truly are beautiful–yes, so modest.
My weigh has magically shifted to 120lbs and I’m stronger and toned a lot of my fat, exercising truly feels good.
I also learned that I like to design rooms, more than I ever thought before.
I figured out who my true friends are, who to keep closest to me and to never keep anyone around me who will bring me down, I am blunt now and don’t look for anyone’s approval. I love my friends so much, they’ve kept me happy and sane and these people I’ve become really close with this summer have saved me from being a complete disaster.
My bed is probably my best friend right now
Cody has advanced so much this summer in such little yet outstanding ways I wish I could shout the utter pride and ecstasy I feel when he achieves something new and repeats it. He says “Mama” since the beginning of June and is now babbling “Ba’s and Pa’s”, he makes the kissing sound when he blows kisses, he gives you a thumbs up, he waves in his own way.
He even commented on how a male in a YouTube video was wearing eyeliner and how I was wearing eyeliner as well.
He points and “counts” the three bears on a painting in the “Goodnight Moon” book.
I also changed my major (yet again) and discovered that I love to code, I love web development so far. and I’m taking four classes this semester that deal with it, which also means the(only) 39 credits I received in my almost 3 years of community college are worthless. (what a major bummer..)
I know have ambitions, and goals. I plan to move out by age 25 ( old, I know..) and be completely independent from my parents. This means that I will have a job, a car, a house, and be responsible solely for Cody and myself without the help of my parents.
Being dependent at 21 is a major downer.
As the summer comes to a close, and Cody and I will begin school again, I have new goals and I plan on following through. I’m motivated and regaining some confidence as well as healing some of my bruised ego.
I’m scared for the future, terrified really, but I’m also enthusiastic because only I can shape my future and Cody’s.
Oh one more thing, my favorite color is Periwinkle.
Goodnight Stars, Goodnight Air, Goodnight Noises Everywhere – “Goodnight Moon’ by Margaret Wise Brown