Today on Walking Forward,

We have a birthday.
Today isn’t just any day in our families, our friends, our hearts. Today is the fourth birthday of our beloved little Prince Cody.
On this day we remember that hectic day four years ago.
It all started like this.

It was early 2011, my senior year in high school, I was nine months pregnant with my little one without name at the time. It was a Thursday, last day of the first semester and also a half day for students.
That day I had scheduled to take my driver’s test (in hopes of finally getting it)

Skip ahead to my driver’s test time:


I was feeling anxious but also started to feel cramping, my dad brushed it off thinking I was just too nervous and to relax, he took a picture to remember “the day I passed my license test”.

Skip ahead to taking the actual test,
my palms were sweating, knees shaking, body unsteady, breath was rapidly increasing– for those of you who don’t know, I get anxiety attacks quite easily–As you can imagine, I failed.
cramping pains increased

My dad drives me home and has an hour talk with me in the parking lot about how many people fail before they succeed as the wonderful father he is and to not beat myself up over it.

Approx time: 2:05pm

cramping pains continue to increase, I head to the bathroom and have ..well for the lack for other words, diarrhea. Pain does not cease, bent over in pain i lay on my bed trying to control my breathing.

Approx time: 2:30pm,
Texting Tyler’s mother about having pains but not too painful, not too concerned

skipping ahead, 3:27pm,
bent over in agony, cramping coming every 5 to 7 minutes, dad is downstairs watching tv, my dog is laying next to me. suddenly, the pain has moved to my lower back. Realization hits me. My mom walks in at that moment and I call out to her desperately, she runs upstairs and immediately knows what’s going on but is unsure because my due date is still 2 weeks away.
I call Tyler– no answer

Ob/Gyn on the phone tells us to take me to the hospital–this might be it.
I call Tyler again–No response

fifth phone call to Tyler, he’s in a daze and sounds half asleep.
“I’m in Labor!
the other line is quiet
“…Do I have time to take a shower?”

My parents grab my pillow, Duffel bag and other belongings to take to the hospital. we rush to the car and on the way to the hospital get every single red light, pain increasing and coming every 4 minutes(about five traffic lights)

Arrive at hospital and get rolled in a wheelchair, the pain is unbearable, up to Labor and Delivery.
Sister and a friend arrive, Tyler’s mom arrives as well–yet no Tyler.

Rolled into a room for vitals, My belly is too small for the strap that checks baby’s vitals, forced to hold it up.
Baby is under stress, heart rate dropping at every contraction.
I’m put on an IV bag (the nurse makes a mess of my blood on the floor and needs countless paper towels to clean it up)
contraction pains stop, baby is still under stress.
I’m put on oxygen and turned on my left side for 10 minutes.
no changes.
no Tyler

Doctor arrives with forms to sign proceeding with emergency cesarean section.
My blood pressure spikes, my body begins shaking uncontrollably.

still, no Tyler.

Tyler’s mother frantically trying to reach Tyler and yet no response, I am informed only one person can be in the delivery room with me so I choose my mother.

suddenly, urge to pee is unbearable yet bathroom is occupied for what seems like eternity.

finally, bathroom is open, I rush and finish with my business, I look at myself in the mirror and panic.
Trying to stall the situation as to not get my body cut open, knocks on the door signal me to hurry up.

I open the door and Tyler comes walking in nonchalantly, scrubs are shoved in his arms as I’m directed to the operating room.

This can get frightening

I’m given an anesthesia shot on my spine and spinal block anesthetic to numb my lower half then instructed to lay down, almost immediately, the subway I ate earlier comes back up, the anesthesiologist just barely catching it.
Suddenly everything is happy.

More people come in and begin setting up, giant curtain is put in front of me so I don’t see the blood and guts.

Tyler walks in, head to toe in scrubs and is given a chair to sit next to me, the procedure begins.


Tyler looks over the curtain and sees a baby, “wait there’s two babies in here?”

suddenly a tiny cry is heard and I know it’s the moment I’ve been waiting for.

A tiny baby swaddled four times is given to me, he’s warm and smells of new baby (something you must experience for yourself to understand) his eyes are closed and has blonde peach fuzz on his head.

Tyler and I decide on Cody Matthew Gates.

Since then, my life was never the same, I slept whenever Cody slept, and he was probably the best baby I could ask for. I gave him countless cuddles and nursing him brought me nothing but joy.
Fast forward four years, Cody’s been through more than anyone could imagine and continues to be a loved and happy boy. He’s determined and hardworking, funny but most of all, he’s our special gift from God.


The problem with exam week

So as most people around my age know, also depending on what university you attend, it is the dreaded exam week, so your class schedules are not only elongated to two (unnecessary) hours but they are also possibly switched around in times as mine was this morning.
On Tuesday mornings, I attended a class called “Intro to Flash” which usually begins at 9:30 and ends at 10:45

This morning due to exams (or in my case final project) it was scheduled to begin at 8am and end at 10am.
I woke up at my daily 7:30am today got ready, packed Cody’s lunch left everything ready for my mom and left for school.

Or so I wished.

It was very cold and raining (with periods of hail) and my car was covered under a thick layer of ice.

My face was not a pleasant one

So I start my car and turn on the windshield wipers in hopes of some achieving what it’s supposed to do especially because I did not have anything to scrape off the ice. But no such luck.

Time: 8:03am

I leave my car on and run back home getting my mom’s car keys knowing she has something to scrape the ice off in her trunk. Upon reaching the trunk, it was only to my bad luck that the trunk was iced shut.

Time: 8:09am

So I run back home and drop off the keys, frustrated to find a way to get this ice off my front windshield and run back out.
Getting into my car I resort to plan C.
I grab my umbrella and start hitting the ice off my windshield.
It started to break.
I hit it a few more times in the areas that I know will break off bigger chunks of the stubborn ice and finally brush them off with the handle of my umbrella.

Time: 8:16

Get in my car, put it in reverse and stop suddenly to find that the garbage truck is behind me.
This is not turning out to be such a good day for me.
As soon as the coast is clear I drive to school reaching every red light and getting stuck behind two school buses on the way.

Time: 8:27am

I park my car and run through the hail into my classroom to find out that everyone had already presented their projects and I was the last one.
Face palm
How embarrassing

I catch my breath, stand in front of my small audience and present my project.

Time: 8:44am

And I’m back in my car, ready to head home.
In the end, more time was spent trying to get to my class rather than the class itself

What a morning


As a design student I enjoy to incorporate things I love into my work.
As a mom I absolutely love to incorporate Cody into every single aspect of my life.
So without further ado, here’s my first video edit of Cody.


Due to my terrible ability to keep up with blogging, I will be posting a little progress page later on this week so that everyone may see what Cody is now able to do and what his goals for the future are.
This will only be a short post so you don’t forget about us!
One of the things that my now-too-big of a boy to be called a baby is starting to do is pronounce his D’s T’s and B’s on command, which also prompt “accidental consonants”.
What that means is that while he does vocalize the letters he knows, others come out on accident here is an example below!

He’s also pronounced “Pa-Pa” and last night we even heard “Na” and “lalala” at a quick pace, but with practice comes perfect and I know that soon enough Cody will be talking his little head off (maybe even more than his mama!)

10 Signs You’re a Mom/ have small children in the house

I won’t write out a catchy Intro this time so let’s go.

10. You catch yourself singing or humming children’s songs…on a regular basis.
Sometimes I’m doing homework and I’m singing one of Cody’s recent
favorites “I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart.. Where??”

9. Poop is gross, but only in front of others.
I’m not exactly sure why, but it’s happened in more than one occasion where I’m at someone’s house and use their bathroom, and there’s poop still floating in there (come on! at least look before you leave!) and I’m not at all grossed out by it so I just flush and continue with my business.
(Or is this me just being mature?)
Sometimes poop is exciting –especially since Cody is constipated a lot.

8. You start making faces your kids make
Cody has tons of expressions, but one particular one he makes on occasion is the “yuck” face.
He clenches his teeth together and makes his lips in a certain shape so you only see his very front 4 teeth.
–it’s not attractive and I catch myself making that face A LOT.

7. You become motherly…towards your friends.

I’ve had friends get sick and I offer to bring them cold medicine and chicken noodle soup. If that doesn’t scream motherly I don’t know what does.
I’m putting them before me, holding an umbrella for them (not me) when it rains, letting them have the last bite, checking up on them regularly. (Should I continue?)

6. You are much stronger than you look
On an everyday basis, I carry my 35ish lb toddler on one arm and something probably equally as heavy in the other arm. Yet my arms continue to appear as pool noodles.

5. Multitasking is just normal tasking
This is correlated with the previous one, I hold Cody in one arm, make a phone call, send an email and cook him lunch and pick up something on the floor with my foot.

4. You take all the chances you can get to sleep
On the way home from the metro, during kid’s naps, in class (shhh!) and even standing.
Yes, standing.

3. Your purse/bag is never missing anything
I have wipes, juice, snacks, extra change of clothes, Benadryl, Tylenol, lotion, hand sanitizer, glasses, etc.
Need something? I probably have it.

2. Fashion? No thanks.
I’d rather have leggings and a hoodie or sweatpants and a tshirt. Maybe comfy jeans on a good day. But you won’t find make up on me unless it’s a night out or the first week of school/work.

And finally the number one spot…

1. You always think of your kids, always.
You’re out with friends getting a drink when suddenly “AW THAT BABY IS SO CUTE! ” suddenly sad because you miss your son/daughter.
Out at the mall when you slowly make your way to the kids section at H&M..

Maybe this is just me, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t this way before Cody.

5 Minutes Peace

Deep breath
I finally have some time to think about what I want to write about so here’s a shpiel.
It’s only been three weeks into the Fall 2014 semester and I have quite a few things to say about it.
I hate programming. computer programming is not for me, algorithms and coding and all of that can just go burn in a fireplace–language is mild due to the fact that children or family will see this. (Or both) I didn’t think C++ would be so difficult because I always heard how easy was!–yeah right, for a compsci major maybe. I need help or I might have to drop this class, it doesnt help that my professor is older than chocolate and has a thick Russian accent (maybe it’s German) but half the time he needs other people to help him solve his own code. GOD HELP ME.
On the other hand, my visual tools and Flash professional class are by far my favorite classes I’ve taken in college. I finally get to work with the Adobe Master Suite I was given just a little over a year ago and I’m absolutely in love (more so than baking)
I get to work on an enormous iMac in class and even have a friend whom I can talk to (in Spanish!) So that’s great practice for me as well.
I think my favorite slang to hear her say is “dale” it makes me giggle.
I wish I could just skip the programming prerequisites and go to the design classes, I don’t understand the purpose of my need to program a computer if I will only be working with Web designing code languages…but, gotta do what you must right?
Just the fact that I’m once again a design major fills me with happiness beyond belief, even if it’s not graphic design.
Wait, technically, my area of study is called “Web Development” but I can teach myself most of that anyway, it just looks better when you have an actual degree for recruiters and companies–even if it’s just an associates.
Looking for a job, so far nothing but I’m keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
I also constantly catch myself thinking on how different my life is now in comparison to a few months ago, I’m learning to let go of the negative people in my life and learning to be alone for a long time and so far it’s going well.
I have new goals and wants and desires, one of them is definitely travel to Europe, for sure.
I also am growing to love coffee (and so is my stomach) hopefully not going to grow into another caffeine addiction but I have better self control now than I did at 16 that’s a story for another day but I guess most people know it anyway, I tend to be a broken record at times.
Cody’s doing fantastic by the way, still throwing tantrums and being hot tempered but this he inherited from his mom’s side. (Guilty)
His hands actually open pretty well despite the lack of Botox and he is starting to try harder to imitate certain actions and I couldn’t be any more proud!! He is growing fast and the thought of him being 4 months away from 4 is a terrifying thought.
Kids, don’t have kids because then you will realize how much faster time passes.

watching a video of Cody’s first laugh at 2 and a half months, how’s that for a throwback thursday?

Also, the title of the blog is a title of a book my mom used to read to my sister and I when we were younger about a mom elephant who wants a break from her baby elephants.
Good book, much recommend.

Happy September!

I promise I’ll get better at blogging, maybe if I set a certain day on when I’ll blog I’ll be better about it.
Although honestly, I’ve been dying to make a vLog but I am just so awkward on camera it’s difficult to go through with it.
maybe I’ll start Friday.
In other news, it is Dystonia Awareness Month! Instead of Go Blue! It is now Orange Splash! We’re making cover photos and spreading lots of Dystonia News on my social media so hopefully we are able to pass the petition to get the White House to make it a legal awareness month. So sign the petition! We need as many signatures as possible and it won’t take much of your time so please sign! And if you can’t find it, press right here!

Oh, I started my classes!
my first two classes are amazing and I cannot wait to get started on the semester! Digital Tools for Visual Arts, so basically graphic design related work (with the brand new creative cloud by Adobe! ) and Intro to Flash, which is basically making animations, GIFS and of the like. It’s made me wonder what have I been doing these past three years dreading going to class when I could have been doing this from the beginning?
ugh. But with positive energy comes a black cloud, and that black cloud is called Intro to Programming and C++.
Save me.
I has my first class last night (it’s blended–meaning half of it is online)
and we will just say that my thick Russian accented old professor ..was hard to keep up with. I kept getting lost on what we were doing and my computer wouldn’t respond to a simple code the way everyone else’s was and well..
I just sat there. (SORRY MOM!)
Seriously though, the two guys sitting to my left and right tried to help but my code wouldn’t work so they gave up too.
I know what you’re thinking, “why didn’t you ask the professor to stop?”
Because well, he got lost too so the other students(all male) had to help him with the code. Oh boy.
I don’t understand why I have to take C++ when I am a web DESIGNER not a programmer.
Maybe that is an ignorant thing to say since I’m so new to all this.. But I’ll keep trying, but I am gonna need a lot of help so if you’re out there and you know Compsci, I am in desperate need of your help.
It’s sad, I realize that.
But I only want to succeed!

Anyway, here’s to a (hopefully) good semester!

I’m the hero of this story

For a while now, I’ve been trying to piece together how to summarize just quite my summer has been like and instead of trying to be professional and come off as this wonderful writer with immaculate grammar and capture my audience with a captivating piece–I’m going to be concise, honest and a little bit cynical.
If this does not sound appealing to you I recommend you read my future or previous posts.

Near the beginning of the summer, I got dumped.
The boy I dated for eighteen months, whom promised me a future too good to be true..changed and with that my heart shattered.
I don’t hold any grudges against him–at least not anymore– he’s happy and I’m content with that thought, he has a bright future ahead of him, just not one that involves me.
It was extremely difficult in the beginning, because he was someone who picked me up when I was was buried deep below the ground’s surface. I’m grateful for that, and if he ever gets around to reading this, Thank you so much.

Oh and by the way, Cody stills asks about you; the last thing I told him was you got eaten by coyotes and he stuck his tongue out at me and laughed.

The negative outcome that came from this is that I’ve made a promise to myself to never involve myself so seriously with somebody due to the true fact that I’m so sick of feeling heartbroken, I don’t want to mourn or be upset any longer so I won’t give anyone the pleasure of crumbling my heart to pieces, not now and most likely not 5 years from now.
call me a pessimist, but the walls have come up–at least in a romantic aspect.

The positive outcome from this was that I learned I love nature, I enjoy kickboxing and running, I love taking extremely long walks at night, walking on train tracks make me smile and taking pictures of the sky being reflected on a lake brings me joy. I’ve read ten books all summer and will continue to read in my spare time. Music has become a necessity to keep sane, and singing makes me inexplicably happy–even if I’m not any good.
I lay outside on the grass and watch the stars often.
My eyes truly are beautiful–yes, so modest.
My weigh has magically shifted to 120lbs and I’m stronger and toned a lot of my fat, exercising truly feels good.
I also learned that I like to design rooms, more than I ever thought before.
I figured out who my true friends are, who to keep closest to me and to never keep anyone around me who will bring me down, I am blunt now and don’t look for anyone’s approval. I love my friends so much, they’ve kept me happy and sane and these people I’ve become really close with this summer have saved me from being a complete disaster.

My bed is probably my best friend right now

Cody has advanced so much this summer in such little yet outstanding ways I wish I could shout the utter pride and ecstasy I feel when he achieves something new and repeats it. He says “Mama” since the beginning of June and is now babbling “Ba’s and Pa’s”, he makes the kissing sound when he blows kisses, he gives you a thumbs up, he waves in his own way.
He even commented on how a male in a YouTube video was wearing eyeliner and how I was wearing eyeliner as well.
He points and “counts” the three bears on a painting in the “Goodnight Moon” book.

I also changed my major (yet again) and discovered that I love to code, I love web development so far. and I’m taking four classes this semester that deal with it, which also means the(only) 39 credits I received in my almost 3 years of community college are worthless. (what a major bummer..)

I know have ambitions, and goals. I plan to move out by age 25 ( old, I know..) and be completely independent from my parents. This means that I will have a job, a car, a house, and be responsible solely for Cody and myself without the help of my parents.
Being dependent at 21 is a major downer.

As the summer comes to a close, and Cody and I will begin school again, I have new goals and I plan on following through. I’m motivated and regaining some confidence as well as healing some of my bruised ego.
I’m scared for the future, terrified really, but I’m also enthusiastic because only I can shape my future and Cody’s.


Oh one more thing, my favorite color is Periwinkle. Not Turquoise

Goodnight Stars, Goodnight Air, Goodnight Noises Everywhere – “Goodnight Moon’ by Margaret Wise Brown

My super short blog!–post!

Maybe someone will get the reference to my blogpost if you haven’t gotten it by the end; I will tell you!

I’ve been really slacking on blogging lately, I apologize. It’s been hectic! but a quick summary is I went to the Bahamas last weekend!
I can now scratch this off my bucket list it was a very fun and relaxing time! Mostly the latter but it was very much needed seeing as I haven’t left the country in over 5 years! I do recommend it for families and to go in groups with friends otherwise it can get a little repetitive, but I’m not complaining. Only downside is I did get this extremely weird sun burn so my arm now looks deformed. Otherwise, wonderful time.
Still nothing more beautiful than that crystal clear ocean water. I even drank juice out of a coconut!

Moving on!

I got a decent GPA this semester leading me to pull up my cumulative GPA and leaving me 21 more credits until I can receive my A.A.
I also have a job interview today
(Another hooray!)

Now comes Cody, who’s been a little trouble maker since my mom left on her yearly trip with her high school gals.
(Then again, a lot of people have traveled this weekend! Must be Memorial Day)
I must say I am not satisfied with the Botox injections this round because Cody’s legs continue to cross and he feels either too floppy some days or too tight, I’ll have to discuss this at his post Botox appointment coming up.
Otherwise he seems happy as usual! But has been going to sleep at 11pm every night with him–in which my back is not happy with me about– but if it gets him to sleep it will have to do for the meantime. Did I mention I have to sing all the Disney songs I could possibly know by heart to get him to sleep? It’s quite the challenge but he loves it! Mommyitis is at an all time high at this time.

I’ve also had to continue dealing with this little problem, hair pulling.
He doesn’t like something– my hair gets pulled.
he doesn’t want to nap–again, pulls my hair.

I’ve looked up countlessly how to resolve this and have tried leaving the room, putting him down and he continues to do it. But he doesn’t with anyone else anymore..Dr Google only finds the extremes such as self hair pulling and for kids who are typical!

My goal for this next month is to get him to stop, I think 3.5 years old is a good age for this to stop completely.

BTW, my blog title reference is from the early 00s show “Mike’s Super Short Show” from Disney Channel.

Have a great Sunday!

The troubles of travels

Let me just start off that I’m obsessed with the weather. For some reason, it always is one of the determinants for a good day or not (at least a pre-determinant)
For my birthday, in April, I had 50 degree weather and the weather channel application even said morning flurries.
All the people I’m close with can probably describe to you how livid I was when I saw that.
I like my weather to be nice on my birthday thank you.
But what I am really getting to is that I will be taking a much needed vacation , all thanks to my older sister of course, to Nassau this weekend.
So I go the whole week looking up the weather, and I’m starting to regret it more and more each time because the weather only continues to get worse.
Rain, rain, thunderstorms, rain, rain, windy, rain.
If I have to read rain one more time… I don’t know what I’ll do. But one thing is for sure…

I will not let the stupid rain ruin this for me

I have not traveled in over 5 years while every one of my friends goes abroad or on vacation, and being a mother is extremely hard having that opportunity so nothing will stop me from having a decently good time, despite the rain trying to bum me out.

But first I’d love to just get through exams, good luck with finals for those who are taking them!