I’m the hero of this story

For a while now, I’ve been trying to piece together how to summarize just quite my summer has been like and instead of trying to be professional and come off as this wonderful writer with immaculate grammar and capture my audience with a captivating piece–I’m going to be concise, honest and a little bit cynical.
If this does not sound appealing to you I recommend you read my future or previous posts.

Near the beginning of the summer, I got dumped.
The boy I dated for eighteen months, whom promised me a future too good to be true..changed and with that my heart shattered.
I don’t hold any grudges against him–at least not anymore– he’s happy and I’m content with that thought, he has a bright future ahead of him, just not one that involves me.
It was extremely difficult in the beginning, because he was someone who picked me up when I was was buried deep below the ground’s surface. I’m grateful for that, and if he ever gets around to reading this, Thank you so much.

Oh and by the way, Cody stills asks about you; the last thing I told him was you got eaten by coyotes and he stuck his tongue out at me and laughed.

The negative outcome that came from this is that I’ve made a promise to myself to never involve myself so seriously with somebody due to the true fact that I’m so sick of feeling heartbroken, I don’t want to mourn or be upset any longer so I won’t give anyone the pleasure of crumbling my heart to pieces, not now and most likely not 5 years from now.
call me a pessimist, but the walls have come up–at least in a romantic aspect.

The positive outcome from this was that I learned I love nature, I enjoy kickboxing and running, I love taking extremely long walks at night, walking on train tracks make me smile and taking pictures of the sky being reflected on a lake brings me joy. I’ve read ten books all summer and will continue to read in my spare time. Music has become a necessity to keep sane, and singing makes me inexplicably happy–even if I’m not any good.
I lay outside on the grass and watch the stars often.
My eyes truly are beautiful–yes, so modest.
My weigh has magically shifted to 120lbs and I’m stronger and toned a lot of my fat, exercising truly feels good.
I also learned that I like to design rooms, more than I ever thought before.
I figured out who my true friends are, who to keep closest to me and to never keep anyone around me who will bring me down, I am blunt now and don’t look for anyone’s approval. I love my friends so much, they’ve kept me happy and sane and these people I’ve become really close with this summer have saved me from being a complete disaster.

My bed is probably my best friend right now

Cody has advanced so much this summer in such little yet outstanding ways I wish I could shout the utter pride and ecstasy I feel when he achieves something new and repeats it. He says “Mama” since the beginning of June and is now babbling “Ba’s and Pa’s”, he makes the kissing sound when he blows kisses, he gives you a thumbs up, he waves in his own way.
He even commented on how a male in a YouTube video was wearing eyeliner and how I was wearing eyeliner as well.
He points and “counts” the three bears on a painting in the “Goodnight Moon” book.

I also changed my major (yet again) and discovered that I love to code, I love web development so far. and I’m taking four classes this semester that deal with it, which also means the(only) 39 credits I received in my almost 3 years of community college are worthless. (what a major bummer..)

I know have ambitions, and goals. I plan to move out by age 25 ( old, I know..) and be completely independent from my parents. This means that I will have a job, a car, a house, and be responsible solely for Cody and myself without the help of my parents.
Being dependent at 21 is a major downer.

As the summer comes to a close, and Cody and I will begin school again, I have new goals and I plan on following through. I’m motivated and regaining some confidence as well as healing some of my bruised ego.
I’m scared for the future, terrified really, but I’m also enthusiastic because only I can shape my future and Cody’s.


Oh one more thing, my favorite color is Periwinkle. Not Turquoise

Goodnight Stars, Goodnight Air, Goodnight Noises Everywhere – “Goodnight Moon’ by Margaret Wise Brown


The Struggles, as the kids say.

Yes, I do realize I’m still a “kid” in the sense that I’m still in college only turning 21 in a few months and have the life of a 30something year old (besides the whole living with your parents, no degree, no job etc) but–I am working towards it even if it takes me 4 more years…haha. First of let’s admit the fact that I’m awful at blogging, have had this blog forever and have only … 14 updates? It’s difficult! But it’s really hard to find a specific topic to really captivate my audience. I just wanted to update and say that Cody has started school! And has yet to go to school for an entire week–it’s only really been about two and a half weeks with the snowmaggedon last Wednesday and Thursday and he also got an ear infection.. My poor baby…so he’s missed a fair amount of school this past week.

I am bittersweet about it because I’m so overjoyed with the blessing overflow that’s come with him starting school! All his teachers and therapists absolutely adore him to no end and it just warms my heart to know that my son is well taken care of and loved. As a mom though, it makes me a little sad (just a little!) that he hasn’t cried once since he’s started school! Which is good and at the same time makes me realize how fast he’s grown and he doesn’t have “momitis” as I like to call it. His need and want for independence is growing so I’m sure he won’t want to be held in a few months (or so I hope! My arms can’t take more than 35 pounds!)

On the other hand, his little “talker” device was moved to a 32cell overlay (he had 15 before) and what that means is that he now has a lot more choices and a lot more to say about everything (through this little machine) which is honestly amazing because having a non-verbal child is frustrating for both mom and child. It amazes me that he’s able to maneuver through it so easily and only being 3 years old. Every day he amazes me and I’m so proud of him for the accomplishments he makes– but this is all a given teehee.

Now for some innocent boasting, kind of not really…this valentines day I started feeling sickly, went to doctor and he said I have a sinus infection..and my first one at that. So I felt absolutely terrible and couldn’t do anything but lay in bed and feel like death was coming for me, I figured my night plans would fall through but that’s not quite what happened. My amazingly sweet (and risky) boyfriend decided to come over and make me dinner instead . I seriously feel so absolutely lucky to have a man that loves to cook haha. Then we watched tv and fell asleep. The next day he took me out to “breakfast” at 2pm… Haha and then Starbucks which probably wasn’t the best idea since I was sick and it was cold but It was worth it!
Now I’m still (slightly dying) on my bed with this horrible sinus infection that antibiotics won’t help me with, so I just gotta let nature take its course… It chose a great time to come too– sarcastically of course– since Cody has the whole week off due to parent teacher home visits! Let’s hope I’m better tomorrow because I’m so done with this coughing!

I’ll try to update more but anyway, have a great week!

Long-Distance Relationships.

So here’s something I actually hear a lot about, long distance relationships and as a young mom, I can tell you it’s definitely not as bad as some people make it out to be. Then again, my long distance is only 15 miles and I see my significant other maybe once every 1-2 weeks due to the fact that he’s doing something productive with his life. I’ve been in relationships before (without Cody of course) and they were never long-distance and they never worked out in the end to be honest. The relationships were unhealthy, clingy, possessive and for a better word…immature. okay, maybe I’m just describing me IN the relationships but still. My pre-teen/ early teen years consisted of me wanting so desperately to find my soul mate very young–much like my parents did since they’ve been together for 36 years; marriage included. I think I can say the same thing for my sister since we have both been through pretty much the same things EXCEPT I got pregnant and she did not. Anyway, in the four months that I have been in a long distance relationship I can actually say I really really enjoy it, because not only does it give me room to grow as a person, but I’ve actually developed trust in someone and I’m not constantly worrying about who he’s cheating on me with. Which is ironic because it’s long distance right? There’s always that something my parents told me and I never believed it (much like everything else in life) but missing your partner really makes the heart grow fonder, the more I miss him…the happier I am when I see him. My stomach builds up all these butterflies of anxiety that explode once I see him. I know it won’t be long distance during the summer and I’m hoping like crazy that I won’t mess up (again) because I have a record of really screwing up in a relationship and causing it to burst into flames!– but I’ve grown (a little) and hopefully I won’t make the same mistakes as I have in the past.
plus, I really like this guy AND so does my son! which is the biggest most important requirement in my book.

so here’s to long distance, making the heart grow fonder since humans exist.